Devil In Me
by myonlyheroin
Summary: I've lived for over a century. I've killed, not at all caring who my victims were. I've had my fair share of obsessions, but this new one may just be the end of me. Her scent, her blood was determined to break the devil in me...free. Darkvampward AU/OOC
1. Chapter 1

**I know what you all are thinking, that I shouldn't post another with out finishing the rest of my WIPs, but I can't help it that I'm so impatient! That, and, well... this little fic is for Kyla713 and Cris(judolin) They asked for a darkvampward. Blame them.**

 **I will be updating SGMW and ADSP this week as well. I have EVERY intention on finishing all of my WIPs. No posting schedule for this one. I am going to try for once a week, maybe more.**

 **Standard disclaimer applies. I don't own these characters or Twilight.**

 **Thank you Kyla713 for looking this over, and Judo and Packeh for reading.**

 **So, umm, ready to meet IDGAFward?**

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Blood dripped from my fingers and down my wrist as I pounded into the girl in my arms, harsh breaths and moans escaping me. There was something about the blended scent of blood and sex in the air that drove me wild and set me off, made me feel as close to alive as I could get.

My fingers clenched the girl's hips as I drove into harder, not at all caring if she got hers. I had only one concern, and that was getting mine, getting out and ending the poor girl's existence. That last drip of blood right after orgasm was even better than the orgasm itself; it was as pure as ecstasy could be. It didn't matter that I was selfishly taking her in some dark alley in Port Angeles

I roared as I came, my fangs elongating once more as I descended from my high, my nostrils flaring at a new scent that was cutting through the fog of sex. My eyes searched for the source of it, coming up empty until my eyes scanned to the right. A girl with long brown hair and brown eyes stared back at me. Her eyes were wide as she bit down on her bottom lip, her cheeks pink, a thin sheen of sweat littered her forehead as her breaths came quick and fast.

She was aroused.

I dropped the human girl, not at all caring that I didn't drink from her again. Instead, I completely ignored the scent of her blood in the air as I stepped forward, pulling up my pants and zipping them as I walked toward the girl whose eyes were glued to me. I inhaled as deep as I could; the heady, floral scent engulfed my senses with each new step towards her that I took.

"Did you enjoy the show?" I asked her. Her eyes flicked up to mine as her heartbeat picked up, not at all offering an answer.

I licked my lips, savoring the last of the blood that lined them, as I looked the silent girl over. She was short, had a heart-shaped face and the most alluring body. My hands twitched at my side as I noticed her chest; her tits were the perfect size. I almost wanted to spin her around, just so I could get a look at her ass, maybe grab a handful and bend her over, and then pound into her like she deserved to be fucked.

"Your arousal gives you away," I told her as I stepped even closer, my body close enough that she leaned back into the wall behind her.

I ran my nose up the length of her neck, stopping at her pulse point to inhale even deeper as I detected a slight pause in her pulse. I placed an open-mouthed kiss there. "You know what I think?" I asked, leaning back again to face her. "I think you want my cock just as much as that girl back there did." I looked back at said girl, who was still lying on the ground, slowly breathing, sleep obviously having claimed her.

The girl's eyes grew wider, heart rate picked up even faster. I was honestly becoming concerned that she'd pass out on me before I could have her. Because god, I wanted her blood, her sex, anything that I could greedily take. I really needed her. The other part of me desperately wanted to consume her. It wanted her blood, her sex. I was fighting a losing battle as I continued to stand in front of this small, shy girl as my fangs fought to come out. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts as I looked at this petite girl.

"I want you. And I intend to take everything I can," I told her, pressing my body against hers, feeling every outline.

"Oh God," she whispered, her breath fanning the flames deep inside me.

"I highly doubt God can help you." I kissed the other side of her neck, running my tongue along it until she shivered. "What do you say about taking a walk with me? I promise to me a good boy." I pulled back, winking as I licked my lips, her eyes zoning in on my tongue.

She nodded and then looked down at her feet, suddenly shy again. I couldn't have that; I needed her with me on this. Afterward, she wouldn't have to worry about me anymore, she'd be gone, just like the rest.

I took her hand and began to lead her out of he alley, when two girls started calling for Bella, who I assumed was the quiet girl next to me. I turned to her. "You know them?"

"Um, yeah. I was hanging out with them. The short one is my roommate, Alice." I nodded, still holding her hand as her friends came closer. My nose turned up in disgust at the smell of cheap perfume that took over the lovely scent of Bella.

Her roommate, Alice, eyed me up and down before turning to Bella. "You ready?" she asked before sending a glare my way. My hand automatically squeezed Bella's, and while I hoped it was not too hard, her wince gave her away.

"No, you guys go on ahead. I'm safe with him."

I smiled at her friends, careful not to show my teeth. "She'll be home soon. Promise."

 _If only they knew..._

Alice eyed me again and glared. "She better be. I'll be calling her phone in thirty minutes. If she doesn't answer, I will find you." I wanted to laugh in the girl's face at her threat, which wasn't even a threat. There was nothing she could do to me, so instead, I just nodded my head and tugged Bella to the left, walking towards an apartment I kept just off the main part of town.

The silence as we walked was getting to me, but my hunger was affecting me more. I could feel the venom coating the back of my throat with each step we took. It grew thicker the more I inhaled her scent.

We reached my apartment and I led her in, taking off her coat and hanging it next to my door. I grabbed her hand again, pulling her into me as I leaned down and possessively claimed her mouth, carefully nipping at her bottom lip as I deepened the kiss a bit more. Her breathy moan spurred me on, the devil in me wanting a taste.

I began to guide her back towards the bed I rarely used. Once the back of her legs hit the edge of my bed, I pushed her back, my hand finding purchase on her hip as I gave a gentle squeeze, letting my fingers wander up under her shirt, slipping under her bra. Her breath halted as she broke from the kiss. I then tweaked her nipple, causing it to pebble and become harder.

My lips captured hers again, my tongue slipping in, tasting her. I pressed down onto her, my cock growing harder as she writhed underneath me.

"Clothes...off... now," Bella panted.

Who was I to argue with that? I sat up, tearing off my shirt, going for hers when her phone went off.

"Ignore it." My hands found the button of her pants, just as she grabbed her phone.

"I really shouldn't. It's Alice. Will only cause trouble if I do."

The devil's rage simmered in me as she answered. I let her push me off of her as she sat up, buttoning her pants back up. I watched her lips move with every word she said into the phone, my brain automatically thinking of my hardness slipping between them and the feel of her tongue...I shook my head when I heard her say bye, trying to bring myself out of my short lived fantasy.

"You'll probably want nothing to do with me now, since I let us get interrupted." She eyed me, her shyness coming back. "Do you have a piece of paper?"

I pointed to the drawer next to my bed as I nodded. She opened it, digging around.

"Ow!" I smelled the blood immediately.

Bella brought up her finger. A paper cut... I couldn't help myself. I grabbed her hand, my lips wrapping around her finger. I licked and sucked, my eyes closing at her taste.

Bella moaned, pulling her finger back. " I should get going." She grabbed the paper, finding a pen. "Here's my number," she said, handing it off to me. "I'll probably never see or hear from you again, but..." She shrugged her shoulders, and then walked over to her coat and put it on.

The second she was out of my door, the monster in me roared.

 _She was my new obsession. I'd let her go...for now._

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 **Thoughts?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys, I can't thank you guys enough for joining me on another ride. This chapter is short, but I'll make up for that next chapter. I do hope you enjoy.**

 **Thank you to Kyla713 for looking over this and putting up with me, as well as Packeh and Heather.**

 **Enjoy.**

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The taste of her was still on my tongue. It was taunting and teasing me, making me crave more, but I was determined not to let this one human girl get to me. Her blood wasn't that special. Besides, it was as if she could hide from me. I could easily find her on her scent alone, days from then. So I wasn't worried; I'd finish her off eventually.

So instead of going after my prey, I sat at my piano and drowned myself in music. I rarely touched it, as it brought back memories I'd rather not deal with or remember. There, unfortunately, was no escaping memories long repressed the minute I began to play one of Chopin's Nocturnes. Memories of a family I once left behind.

" _You play so beautifully, Edward." Esme said as she sat down on the piano bench next to me. "Carlisle really did us all a favor, buying this for you. I don't think I could ever tire of you playing."_

 _I turned my head to look at the woman who had become my mother and flashed her a smile. "So, is that your way of asking me to play your song...again?"_

" _Only if you want to," she replied, winking._

 _Carlisle, came in then, his hands in his pants pockets. I looked at him, taking in the man who saved me back in nineteen eighteen and made me into what I am. While, thankful for the life he gave me, I struggled with the day-to-day life of the existence itself._

 _He began to walk towards us and placed his hand on my shoulder. "What do you say to hitting the town square and celebrating the new year?"_

" _I don't see the point. Nineteen twenty-one will be no different than any other year before."_

" _Oh, Edward, cheer up a bit, yeah? We'll have fun, that's all the matters," Carlisle told me, before grabbing Esme's hand and pulling her up with him, showing off a devilish smile. I could hear his thoughts, and I knew I didn't want to be there with what he had in mind._

" _Fine. I'll meet you guys there then," I replied, getting up and leaving the room._

 _I wandered around the dark parts of town, watching revelers get drunker and drunker as midnight drew closer. I had no intention of meeting up with them; I didn't feel like being the third wheel again. But before I could continue on, a voice infiltrated my head of a young girl, lost and wondering if she should ask for directions. I followed her mind and found her, crouching down in an alley, obviously drunk._

" _Are you lost?" I asked, walking closer to the helpless girl._

 _She looked up at me, her hazel eyes growing wider as she took me in. "Yes. Um... I was supposed to meet my friends up in the university district and I seem to have become lost. Can you help me?"_

'Oh, my helpless girl, I can definitely help you. Just not in the way you're thinking. _I shook my head, trying to clear it of dark thoughts, stamping down the monster inside me._

" _Just follow me, you're only a few blocks off. I'll be glad to take you." I held out my hand to help her up, hoping she wouldn't notice my coldness. We began to walk, but the venom that began coating my throat and inside of my mouth was becoming hard to handle. I swallowed repeatedly, hoping I could just leave the girl and go back to the house._

 _The venom and hunger pangs won out. Before we rounded the next corner, I pulled the girl back into a vacant alley, completely dark and devoid of anyone who could save her. I pressed her up against the brick building, my body caging her in._

" _I'm so sorry," I whispered before my lips and teeth found her neck and I drank greedily. Her blood coating my throat was so much better than the animal blood I had lived on for the past few years. I drank to the last drop, listening as her heart gave its last thump as I dropped her to the ground and walked away, not at all looking back at my first victim._

I never returned to Carlisle and Esme after that night, nor had I spoken to them since. I caught Carlisle's scent once, and then left the city as quick as I could. I couldn't face him and have him know the shame and guilt that I still carried.

Slamming the piano cover down, I stood up and paced my small apartment, nostrils flaring as I remembered her scent, her blood, everything about her. I stepped outside and breathed in as deep as I could and traced her scent. I then began to follow it until I came up to a brick town house, the lights off and house quiet. I scaled the building, hitting the third floor, where I found a window open, which I then climbed into.

Her room was at the end of the hall, I could tell by the scent that overwhelmed me coming from under the door. Venom flooded me as I closed my eyes, willing it to retreat along with my hard on. I opened the door and silently walked into her room. She was laying on her side, blankets bunched up to her hips, her hair a tangled mess across her pillow.

I sat and watched her that night, calculating my next move, my next fix. I'd have her, and there was nothing she could do about it. She was in my line of sight and I never let my prey go so easily.

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 **Thank you for reading. So, thoughts?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, sorry for the wait on this one. RL loves to keep my busy. Anyway, I had a huge migraine the last update and had to make kyla713 update for me. I forgot to thank Mina for th4e awesome as hell banner she made for this fic. I'm seriously in love with it. She made my day when she messaged me with what she created. Have I mentioned I love it?**

 **Thanks as always to Kyla713 for betaing. My girls, Packeh, Judo and Heather. They made me smile in my doc.**

 **Enjoy another istallement of IDGAFward.**

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The more I watched her sleep, the more I felt like some perverted stalker, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Her scent had venom flooding into my mouth. My breaths soon matched her pulse, I found myself panting the longer I stood there beside her bed and watched her.

I wanted to give in, I should have given in. I closed my eyes, imagining her warm blood slowly coating over my tongue as I pulled from the source. I gently placed my fingers on the pulse point on her right hand, and then brought it up to my face. I sniffed and closed my eyes, instantly feeling my dick stir in my pants.

 _What was this fragile little human doing to me?_

My tongue darted out to taste her skin and I soon followed with my lips, the urge to bite her being as strong as ever. She let out a moan, and I quickly jumped back, hoping she didn't see me. I then made the decision to leave. The girl was trouble. The unnamed feelings stirring inside of me were making me feel so unsettled. I didn't like it; not one fucking bit.

One last glance at the girl and I quickly left out her bedroom window, making sure to close it before hopping down and running at full speed toward somewhere-anywhere but there.

I felt anxious, unraveled, like she was pulling at some string inside of me, making me come undone.

I'd never felt or known fear, but this human...I feared her. Yet, not for the reasons that most vampires fear humans for. I knew she couldn't kill me, it was the fact she was changing me, and not for the better. I didn't like it. I hated it.

Stopping in some clearing in the woods outside of town, I grabbed a tree, uprooted it and threw it, yelling out "Fuck" as I did. I paced, pulled at my hair and crumpled to the ground as hunger overtook me-there was only one taste I wanted, that I needed, but I wouldn't go back to her. I didn't want to give in yet..

It was nearing midnight and I knew that if I was to feed, I needed to do it soon. I was desperate; anyone would do. I'd even take a man if I had to. The roads were pretty much deserted, but the further I got toward downtown, I saw a lot of people stumbling out of bars, clubs and overnight shifts at their jobs. I didn't care where they came from, really; just that someone was going to lose their life.

I gave up caring about shit a long time ago. I gave up on everything when my life was no longer in my control.

I continued to walk down the road, toward one of the older buildings that housed a theater. I scoped out my next victim. I needed something, anything to get my mind off the brunette that was constantly occupying my mind. I couldn't get her scent, her taste out of my head. I noticed a girl hanging outside of the theater by herself, and invited her for a drink at the nearest bar. She agreed and followed me. Her scent completely wrong, too strong, and not enough floral tones in them.

Our night progressed, she became drunker as she drank and danced with me. Eventually, I invited her back to a hotel room I had rented for the night. Once there, it didn't take long to have her writhing in ecstasy. I seized my chance to take my fill, but one taste of her, and I spat it out, completely disgusted. It was all wrong, too metallic. Not at all like my Bella's.

 _My Bella's? What the fuck?_

I pushed the human girl down and out of my way, wiping my lips as I turned away from her, desperately wanting something to get the awful taste out of my mouth. I decided that maybe it was her, that I had just picked the wrong girl, that maybe something was wrong with her blood.

Like I said, desperate.

Leaving the girl behind me, I set out for another human. I gave up on searching for another girl, I'd try a man next time. That had to work, right? _Fucking females._

A man smoking a cigarette outside of a parking garage was in my sights. He had on a blue uniform, blonde hair, blue eyes. He would be perfect. No brown eyes, brown hair, and I hoped to fucking hell that his blood would actually taste good.

"Hey man, think I could bum a cig from you?" I asked as I walked up to him. He nodded, taking the pack from his back pocket, and then handing one to me. He held up a lighter as I pulled the foul smelling junk up to my lips, allowing him to light it for me. I took a drag, knowing it would do nothing for me and slowly exhaled.

"Thanks, man." I stood next to him, my back to the wall, thinking on just how I should make my next move, but the human decided for me.

"I'm off in about twenty minutes, if you want to wait. I've got stronger shit at home," the human told me, his eyes wandering up and down my body. So, I decided to play it, give him what he wanted, just not on his terms. I nodded and told him I'd wait as I ran my tongue along my sharp teeth, my eyes almost rolling back into my head as I thought of the taste of my next meal.

Twenty minutes later, I was in the human's car, driving to some unknown location. My hands twitched at my side as thoughts tumbled over and over in my head that I should just snap his neck and then drink.

The car slowed down in front of a large apartment building in a rundown area. _Well, at least I can make a good escape._

Once in his apartment, he set up some smoke, as he called it, and went to change. I let the ruse go on a bit longer, allowing him to become comfortable with me. I didn't care for his name; I didn't need it. He certainly as fuck didn't need to know mine.

He came out in just a pair of boxers slung low on his hips as he grabbed some smoke and rolled it up into a joint. _This fucker is bold, but not getting my dick._

I quickly walked up behind him, my hands on his hips as my lips went to his neck and I bit hard. My arms came up around him to hold him tightly as he thrashed in my arms. I took huge gulps, letting it coat my throat, not giving any fucks to the taste that time. His heart was hammering away as I took longer pulls, the taste growing bitter the closer I got to his last drops.

He fell to the floor, his heart stopped, just as I had swallowed the last bit of his blood. _Still too metallic, not at all floral. Disgusting._ Picking up the human, I slung him over my shoulder as I cased out the thoughts of nearby humans. I heard no one, so grabbed his car keys and made my way out of his apartment and to his car, which I quickly started and went on my way, driving thirty miles outside of the city to hide his body. Once I was back in his car, I decided to dump that too, and drove another fifty miles and left it in some abandoned industrial parking lot.

 _I can't go on like this. Is all of my food going to taste wretchedly bad? My fucking existence is bad enough! Fuck this fucking shit!_ I thought as I ran back toward my apartment, one thought going over and over in my head.

 _She has to die, and she has to die soon._

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 **I'm sure most of you know I have a few WIPs going on, so if you would like to know when I plan to post a chapter or want to see teasers, I have a group over on FB called Fanfictions by Myonlyheroin. I'll be happy to add you.**

 **Thank you for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! I had hoped to have a little something new for you guys as a present from me to you on my birthday, but, as usual, I didn't get as much writing time as I had hoped I would. So, I enjoy a nice chapter from IDGAFward. He's a bit of a mess this chapter.**

 **Thank you so much to Kyla713 and packeh for looking this over!**

 **Enjoy!**

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There was only so much I could do to keep my mind off of a certain brunette human, that I was sure was going to be the end of me in some way or another. I'd tried everything I could think of, and my mind always whirled right back to her and her scent. It was all consuming, and I hated it.

I holed up in my place for all of an hour the last time I tried to feed, which, to be honest, didn't go all too well. Naturally, I ended up right back at her place. I was finding myself at all new low of waiting in trees, looking in windows and following a human, every minute of the day.

 _Stalkers have nothing on me. Heh._

I paced back and forth outside of her apartment, my hands constantly tugged at my hair the more I thought about the taste of her, the smell of her.

I was losing my shit, and not in a good way. _Fuck me, I'm an idiot._

My last drink was days before. I hadn't fed since, and to say that it was getting to me was an understatement. The day before, I tried to force myself to take a homeless man that was pretty close to death, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't even drink from someone to put them out of their misery. All because it wasn't her, her blood.

 _Edward, do you remember the way she tasted? That one drop of perfection?_ And now, apparently, instead of me hearing thoughts of people walking past, my brain had decided to talk to myself. _I am so beyond fucked._

I'd watched her for days, trying to get a sense of her routine, which, to be honest, made me even more of a stalker. But I was okay with that; I had to be. I needed her taste. I needed it as badly as a human depended on the air they breathed.

This human girl wasn't like most vapid girls I've noticed before. She didn't go out of her way to get noticed. She wasn't outgoing; only, from what I'd noticed, hung out with one friend, which was that overly annoying Alice girl. I could do without that human butting into everything. The more I thought of the short, raven haired chatterbox, the more I realized what a complication she actually was. She wasn't one to ignore things; she'd notice her friend missing.

 _Fucking complications. Why must there be another obstacle keeping me from getting the blood I desire? Fucking hell!_

My mind swirled with possible scenarios of what I could do to get to Bella. I could befriend her, get to know her, then pounce? Or, maybe, I could take out that annoying Alice first? Surely, that would put Bella on alert, which would make my job ten times harder than it needed to be. _Fucking complications. Such bullshit._ I could always just take the both of them out at the same time? One less problem..

I glanced down at my phone, checking the time, immediately noticing she was due to walk out the door and on her way to campus, as it was about seven in the morning. _Might as well follow her...again._

Her scent, her sweet, all enticing scent, wafted out around me as she stepped out from her apartment building and hitched her backpack over her shoulders. I stayed back, as far back as I could, hoping she wouldn't notice me. The sway of her hips was hypnotic, my fingers twitched to grab her ass. I stopped and shook my head, inhaling her scent once more. _It's all about the scent, the blood. Don't forget that. You have a goal. Drain the girl, and go._

Bella deviated from her normal morning routine and went into a corner coffee shop. I waited around the corner of the building, as I listened in on her ordering a vanilla latte and blueberry scone. My head thudded on the side of the building as I continued to ponder on ways to get her alone. _You know, on second thought, if you drain her completely, you'll never have another drop of that ambrosia again._

"Fuck me," I muttered to myself, certain that this tiny, human girl was causing my mind to unravel on itself.

Peeking around the corner, I noticed she had just left the shop and was continuing on to the campus. I made sure my steps made soft footfalls in the hopes she wouldn't hear me. My ears picked up on her sips of her coffee and contented sighs as she walked on.

We were nearing the part of her walk that had a patch of forest right before the main opening to the campus. She usually would take a walk through as a short cut. She took a long sip of her coffee, hitched her bag up higher as she entered the woods. I walked behind her for a good few minutes when all of the sudden, she turned around on me, her eyes wide.

"Are you following me?" she asked, her voice high in anger.

For once, in my long existence, I fumbled for a reply. "Uh, um... no." Even to me, my answer sounded like I was so full of shit.

"You don't call, even though I left you my number. You don't try to find me again, but you decide to follow me? Seriously?." I had to admit, she was even more beautiful in her anger.

"I just figured that you seem to know your way around this place better than I do, so I figured it couldn't hurt to follow you."

"For the past few days?"

 _Well, fuck me. Out of all the humans on this godforsaken planet, I had to be obsessed with the one that was obviously smarter than I gave her credit for._

"I'm shy?" _Yeah, that is so believable, you dumbass._

Bella quirked an eyebrow at me as she stepped closer, and poked a finger at my chest. The venom flooded my mouth as I swallowed quickly, trying to hold it back. "You expect me to believe that you're shy after I saw you screwing some girl in a alley? After you took me back to your place in the hopes of gaining the same thing? Really?" She poked my chest again. "Do I look that stupid to you? Well?"

 _Well shit. Poof go my plans._

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 **So, thoughts? And thank you for all of your reviews and taking the time to read this.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! So, it is a certain someone's birthday. I have three presents for Mina. This is the first one. She asked for a update to Devil In Me and She gave me words for her birthday today, but I also will be gifting her something new later on.**

 **Mina, thank you for all that you do and being the great friend that you are. I've been blessed with the pretty banners you've made my stories, and you taking the time to read my words. I hope you enjoy and have a very happy birthday!**

 **Thank you to Kyla713 for looking this over. All mistakes are mine. And thank you to the lovely packy for reading.**

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We seemed to be in some kind of stare off. Bella's eyes looked larger than usual, and for a moment, I wondered if that was normal for a human. It was like she was trying to see into me, to find my answers, the ones I was struggling to give her. How was I supposed to say, "Yup, I've been following you for a few days now all because I want to drain you." Or maybe I should just go with, "Your blood calls to me, I need it." God, I was beyond fucked.

"Well?" she asked, her arms coming up and crossing her chest.

My hands immediately went up to my hair, tugging and pulling in nervousness. "I, um.. er. Uhh. Shit."

"You do realize this conversation requires you to speak in English, as in, full sentences. Ones in which you give me definite answers on why you are following me." She raised an eyebrow, her stance still strong, but I could sense her confidence wavering when I noticed her hands were shaking.

"I couldn't help it. I had to." _Yeah, that isn't creepy at all, Edward. Good one._

She glared at me, and then spun around and began walking away from me, muttering under her breath that I was a crazy asshole.

 _Maybe I am. This human girl is making me lose everything. Maybe my mind is first to go._

I snapped out of thoughts, as I caught up with her. "You know, it's rude to just walk off and not say goodbye," I said, as I slyly glanced at her.

"Yeah, well it is rude to stalk people," she replied, her pace quickening. "Now, if you don't mind, I have a class to get to. So, if you can refrain from following me for a bit, I'd appreciate it."

No human had ever dismissed me like that before. I was so used to humans falling at my feet, succumbing to my charm. This tiny, little human was throwing me for a loop.

I had a goal. I knew what I wanted, just wasn't sure how to get what I needed. Never in all the years of my existence had I thought a human would catch on to me.

I nodded my head and stared down at the ground. "Can I meet you after your physics lab?" _That really doesn't help my 'I'm not stalking you or anything' bid._

Bella kept on walking. "Seeing as how you already know what time that class lets out, fine. I'll meet you by the student union building. I'm sure I don't have to ask you if you know where that is."

Well, that stopped me cold. I didn't reply; I didn't do anything except turn around and walk the opposite way that Bella was heading. I needed to clear my mind, and hopefully come up with a new way getting what I wanted, which made me feel oddly selfish. Normally, I had no qualms about taking what I wanted, never caring how my victims or other humans around me might feel.

I slumped down onto a boulder that was near by; the trees still hid me fairly well. I wasn't sure what to make of all the new feelings I was experiencing. My mind, instead of thinking about the girl that walked away from me, thought of the man I had walked away from years before.

" _I often think you were destined for this life," Carlisle said as he turned to face me. "I know you hate what you are, and I hate myself for condemning you to this life, but I strongly feel, deep down that this is where you are supposed to be."_

 _I scoffed and shook my head. "It's unnatural. Fate obviously wanted me to die back in Chicago. You didn't have to intervene."_

" _I think you're wrong about fate, Edward. I think fate brought you to my hospital at the right time. I think it was fate that your mother knew exactly what I was capable of. I think even she knew that this life was for you, that you were supposed to live long past nineteen-eighteen," Carlisle replied, his eyes held a golden hue as he surveyed my face. "I think that you want an excuse to hate this life that you've been given."_

 _For some reason, that made me angry. Some huge unknown rage settled inside of me. "I still lack something, Carlisle," I sneered. "I can feel the emptiness consume me. The way we feed... it's not enough. The thoughts in my head are never quiet. All I do in this so-called life is hunt animals, play a piano to no audience, and watch you become enamored with a human girl, while thoughts of changing her overtake your mind." I stood up and grabbed a bag. "You don't need me. You never did. I think you just needed me until the next person you had to 'help' came along."_

 _The sadness, the words that were flying through Carlisle's mind should've been enough to make me stay, but they weren't._

" _Enjoy your existence, Carlisle. Enjoy Esme. It must be nice to get everything you've ever wanted."_

I never realized until then just how jealous I actually was of the man that had somehow became my somewhat surrogate father. How much I envied his life, how he took so easily to drinking from animals. Throughout the years, I did meet up with Esme and Carlisle, sometimes staying with them for a few years at a time, eventually leaving again. The last time I left, a raven haired girl and boy with short blond hair and slightly amber colored eyes showed up at their door. I left again, once more feeling replaced.

I felt shame as I thought back on my years before stumbling across a certain brown-haired human that is apparently really good at dismissing me. The shame I felt in pushing everything that reminded me of Carlisle away. I knew then that was why I drank from humans and gave no fucks about the after effects of it all.

I stood up and decided I'd go back to my place until her last class let out. I had no clue what I'd do or say to her when I met back up with her again.

 _Maybe apologize for being an asshole?_

Opening my front door to my place, I noticed just how much I had neglected it in the time I was following her. I was usually a very tidy being, but looking around and noticing the papers and books on the floor...clothes.. the television still on. _This girl is making me lose all sense of myself._

After I turned off the TV, I began to pick up the floor, lost in my own thoughts, when suddenly one very important detail pinged. I had always longed for a quiet mind, and lately, there had only been a few instances where I experienced true silence in the presence of someone else.

Bella.

Papers and books fell from my hands as I silently sat down on the floor, my mind whirring with thoughts, questions and no answers.

 _Why is it only with her I hear nothing? Why do I like the feeling of being near her, besides the fact that her blood tastes absolutely fucking awesome? Can I find everything I've ever wanted in this human girl?_

For a flash of a moment,I was surprised to find that I was tempted to call Carlisle and ask for his guidance, but my pride stomped that down rather quickly. I didn't want him to know how much I've actually failed over the years, and how much I was failing now. I tried to tell myself I didn't care about what he thought of me now, but I knew that was a lie.

Restlessness and anxiety overwhelmed me as I glanced over at the clock, seeing that I had only wasted an hour,and I still had four more hours to go. I felt so...not myself. I felt like a new being was taken root in me, some sort of a devil grabbing hold and not letting go. I didn't like it, not one bit.

I made myself pick up once again in the hopes of bidding time to go faster, but only a mere twenty minutes had passed. So, I sat at my piano, lightly touching the keys, playing discordant melodies as I allowed myself to become lost in my thoughts. My eyes wandering the room, and I idly wondered what this place would be like with strawberry scents wafting about, my books and albums in disarray, new ones lining the shelves. Dresses and high heels littering the floor.

 _I'm losing everything. I'm losing the monster in me._

The clock chimed just after one in the afternoon, so I decided to go ahead and leave. I figured I'd invite her back to my place, maybe befriending her wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.

 _Nope. The monster is still buried in there deep. He still craved a taste._

On my way to the student union building, I ordered a coffee and scone, taking the time to remember what she had ordered before. I hoped she'd enjoy the treat, at least.

I noticed her scent before I saw her. It immediately made me close my eyes and breathe in deeply.

"You're early." I opened my eyes and looked up at Bella, carefully flashing her a smile.

"Well, I didn't want to miss a chance to talk to you." I picked up the coffee and scone and handed them to her. "I figured you might need a snack, and it's well known college students live on coffee."

She blushed and tried to hide her face as she grabbed the offered goods. Her flushed skin stirred something inside of me, and venom rushed to the surface. I tried my damnedest to swallow it all back down.

"Thank you," she said, as she sat down next to me. "Now, care to tell me why you follow me everywhere?"

 _She wastes no time, does she?_

I nodded and stared down at the ground, and said the only thing that came to my mind. "I need to know you."

Bella looked puzzled as she took a sip of her coffee and small bite of her scone. "But why?"

"I can't explain it. I just do. And I think, even if I walked away now, I'd still never forget you."

There was blush and shy smile that was slowly starting to unwind me inside. But under all my layers, I could feel the monster bristling inside of me due to my newly found feelings.

"You're done for the day, why don't you come back to my place, watch a movie or something."

"If you're expecting something from me like that time I caught you in the alley..."

"No, just a movie. Promise."

 _This is gonna be a long, long road._

 ***.***

 **Thoughts?**

 **Please go and wish the birthday girl a happy birthday. One more update, and then something new later on tomorrow(seeing as how it is 1030 at night here.) Thank you for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys, sorry for the long wait on this one. But hopefully knowing that this is probably one of the hottest things I have EVER written will make up for it. I am going to try and post at least once or twice a week, depending on how much time I have, until I mark this one complete while still writing stricken. I can't thank you enough for being patient with me and these fics.**

 **Did I mention this was the hottest thing I've written?**

 **Anyway... Thank you to Kyla713 and Packy for looking things over and being in my doc.**

 **Hope you guys enjoy this dose of IDGAFward.**

 **~.~**

 **Chapter 6-**

My little lamb seemed reluctant at first. Her eyes darted around her and back to me. I could see the flash of fear in her eyes as she debated on whether she should come back to my place again. Grabbing her hand, I watched her flinch at the sudden coldness when our skin met. "My place isn't too far."

I inhaled deeply, securing her scent in my lungs as I began to walk. Her steps were slow at first, and then soon, she was walking right alongside me. My pinky finger kept running across the pulse point in her wrist, which elicited venom to rush my mouth. I swallowed, letting it sting my throat as I thought about what her neck would look like after I bit her and let the shiny sheen of my venom coat her skin.

 _Fuck, but I wanted that. Desperately._

Once we walked up to my place, I felt her pull back a little, so I squeezed her hand, and brought her around in front of me, so that my front was to her back. I unlocked the door, trying to gently push her inside.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" I asked her, while walking further into my living room. I mentally knew just what I wanted to drink—a drink I knew she wouldn't give me willingly, unless I diverted her attention somehow.

I watched as she took off her coat and came up to her to take it so that I could hang it up. I made sure to let my fingers linger on her skin longer than usual, hoping that it would heighten her emotions when around me. She reeked of arousal, which surprised me, but underneath that was still a dash of fear.

Clearing her throat, Bella then replied with "just water". I nodded, and waved my hand toward my entertainment system and couch.

"Please, make yourself at home. I'll be back with your water."

 _The shit you get yourself into, Edward._

She was sitting on the couch, staring at the TV when I walked back in. I handed her the bottle of water. "So, any idea on what we'll watch?" She shook her head no, so I just grabbed some random movie, not at all caring at the contents.

 _Not like we'd really be watching it anyway._

I sat down next to her, brought my arm up on the back of the couch behind her. Idly, I played with her hair. It was soft as silk, and every movement filled the room more with her scent, causing my nostrils to flare.

Her neck was right there, inviting me, begging for me to bite into the soft, beautiful, creamy flesh. As she stared at television screen, I stared at the pulse point in her neck. With my heightened eyesight, I could see each beat as they ticked by. The hardening bulge in my pants obviously liked the sight.

 _Now, to just get a taste._

Leaning in slowly, I kissed her neck. I could hear her gasp of surprise, and then a soft moan as the room filed with the smell of her building arousal. I brought my tongue out and licked her from her collar to her pulse point, slowly.

The arm that was behind her came down to her other shoulder, my sharp nails ran from the back of her neck to her collarbone on the other side. I pressed in slightly, taking notice at how her skin gave way to the contact, and the first droplet of her blood hit the air.

 _Heaven._

I knew by then my eyes were as black as the darkest caverns in the pit of the deepest place in the earth.

It was just a nick. Not even that bad of a cut. It was so small, you wouldn't even know she had been injured. _She_ wouldn't even know. And yet, I could taste it; it was in the air. Her blood, mixed with her scent, was turning my mind over to a frenzy… Just one small drop of blood and the monster in me was ready to drain her dry.

 _Fucking hell, how dry can a vampire's throat get? Just one small taste._

The movie continued to play in the background, and I found it boring as shit. The voices sounded like one, long monotonous sound. Why do humans even bother to be entertained by this drivel?

That small amount of her blood that was spilled was calling to me. The urge to lick her wherever it was coming from was starting to turn me inside out, if that was even possible.

Suddenly, her scent hit me full force as she turned her head and faced toward me. "Why aren't you watching the movie? You did pick this one, after all."

"I forgot it didn't have much bloodshed, so I am finding that I'd just much rather look upon you."

 _Just let me taste you, drink you in._

 _That blush. How much of a creeper am I, if I suddenly have the urge to lick her… Somehow taste those blood capsules under her skin…._

 _Get a grip, Edward!_

Silence. I noticed the silence. No more movie. Only one sound beat in my ears, and that was one I'd grown accustomed to, Having her pressed against me, watching boring nonsense, as her heart beat inside her chest.

 _Just think of the blood, Edward. How she'll taste. Perfection._

"Did you… um… Did you know that you've cut yourself?" _Seriously, you lead in with that?_ The monster roared in my head, and all I could do was mentally shrug.

 _This girl is making me lose my shit, and so not in a good way._

The look on Bella's face was one of "okay… this guy is losing it", when she answered. "No, but how do you know that?

 _Yeah, Edward, how do you know that?_

"I ran my finger over your shoulder, and saw the blood on my fingertip, see?" I lifted my fingers to her face, where her eyes grew in surprise. I then brought the blood covered fingers to my mouth, sucked on them, and moaned.

Another gush of arousal from Bella made me pause for the barest of seconds. "Do you like seeing me do that?" My voice was now husky.

I could see the conflict in her eyes. She knew that she shouldn't like it, but yet, she did. So, she said nothing in return.

Gently, I placed my hand on her chest, pushing her down onto her back on the couch and slowly aligned my body with hers.

"There is so much more I could taste, my Bella."

Bella closed her eyes and bit her lip, so I decided to begin kissing from the left side of her collarbone to her right, where her blood was now pooling from the cut I had made. I placed my lips over the cut, running my tongue flat against it, savoring every drop.

"I wish you knew how good you taste...what it does to me, stirs inside of me."

Bella let out a groan as she thrusted her body upwards to meet mine. I tore my shirt off, and soon, hers followed.

One last lick to her wound, and I sealed it with my venom. I pulled back, moving all her hair out of the way so I could take in my handiwork. Her skin was slick with my venom—the shine about made me come in my pants right there.

 _I've marked you._

Her bra was next to go. My eyes wandered the length of her, stopping quickly at her lips and then her darkened nipples. A silent war waged inside of me. I had the urge to devour her with a kiss, or suck on her nipples as if I were draining her.

The kiss won out. I made sure to be careful of my sharp teeth while our tongues wrestled. Hands fumbled, as we deepened our kisses, slowly sighing into each other's mouth.

Minutes later, my hands were undoing her pants, frantically pulling them off, her underwear then followed. She was drenched, and it was a magnificent sight to behold.

Venom flooded my mouth again as I flattened my tongue to lick her from opening to clit.

"Tingles," she gasped, as her hands came up to my hair and pulled.

I continued my ministrations until I had her gasping and pleading.

 _Imagine if she was pleading while you drained her. Imagine that last drop of blood…imagine._

 _Fuck!_

I brought my finger up her slit, and slowly let it penetrate her. My mouth moved away from her folds to her inner right thigh. And I bit down, her skin instantly giving way to my sharp teeth, and blood gushed forth.

 _Fucking exquisite._

I moaned loudly, feeling my eyes rolling into the back of my head. Hurriedly, I pulled my pants off, glad for once I was commando. I licked her new wound, sealing it. I sat up, lined myself up, and pushed inside fast, hard.

She groaned, and my gaze flicked to her face. She was looking at me with hooded eyes as she licked her lips and pulled me down to her, her legs up around my waist.

"So good," she moaned as I pushed inside again, this time slower so I could savor the feel of her warmth that now encased me.

The urge to move faster and harder was overwhelming. I knew with each new stroke, I was bringing her closer, so I pounded harder, eliciting louder moans.

Soon, she let go, and I followed, pushing down onto her, groaning in release. I could feel her body relax, and I couldn't help myself.

 _Stop. you've taken enough._

I bit into the other side of her neck, making a new fresh wound. I pushed in one last time as I took the longest pull of her blood as I could before, once again, licking her wound closed.

I made sure none of my venom entered her bloodstream.

 _You selfish prick. You wouldn't have minded if it had._

The monster that resided in me was right at the surface, begging to be fully unleashed. Instead, I pulled out and turned my back to Bella, not wanting her to see me, suddenly feeling the urge to run away.

I could feel her shift on the couch and a quick inhale. "You fucker! You bit me!" she yelled, standing up and grabbing her clothes.

 _Well, shit. So much for being careful._ I mused.

The monster in me answered back.

 _Careful went out the window the minute you tasted her the first time. She's ours now. So much for keeping secrets._

 **~.~**

 **So...um, how are we all? Thank you for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Can I just say, IDGAFward is really fun to write. I've wanted to do a darkward for so very long. I hope he's holding up to that name.**

 **Thank you to Kyla713 for putting up with my last night and looking this over, and Packy for all her comments.**

 **So, I'll just let you guys enjoy IDGAFward.**

 **~.~**

 **Chapter 7-**

The taste of her lingered on my tongue. I closed my eyes and groaned as the last drops slid down my throat. I'd bargain with just about anyone and for anything to allow that taste to slip past my lips for however long this world allows me the indulgence.

 _I'm not going to allow you to let her just walk out of here._

The monster inside me was insistent. Impatient. Needy. With so much of Bella's blood coursing through me, we'd passed the point of no return.

Bella was furiously getting dressed as fast as she could, eager to leave me. "Are you sure you really want to go? Think of the fun we could have."

Her eyes flashed with defiance as she pulled on her jacket and grabbed her bag. "Watch me."

I moved probably way faster than I should've to beat her to the door. Her eyes widened in surprise as she halted her steps.

"I'm afraid I can't let you go." My back was now to the door, hand on the knob and locking it. "You see…my little lamb, I don't _want_ to let you go."

The smell of fear was such a delicious scent. It was sweet, addicting and fueled the basic need in me. The need to take, to seek prey. The need to devour.

Her heartbeat was a brutal rhythm and I wondered just how long the poor thing could hold out. I could see how she was calculating a way out; the way her eyes darted around the room, trying to find that easiest way to escape.

"There's no way out," I teased, instantly feeling more mischievous by the second.

Her breaths came faster, she soon broke out in sweat.

"You fear me now, but yet, not even ten minutes ago, you were writhing beneath me, begging and moaning," I taunted and took a step towards her.

Bella shuffled backward, running into the sofa, her hands frantically searching for anything to help her.

"Did you know that your blood tastes sweeter when you come?" My voice was now low and husky as I advanced my steps further towards her. "You can't lie to me. I can smell you, hear you...taste you."

A soft moan broke through the air. My eyes then wandered up and down Bella, falling to her center. "Even now, my little lamb, you're wet." I grinned and then licked my lips.

"You are crazy!" she yelled, sidestepped me toward the kitchen and to the back door.

"Yet, you came home with me. Allowed me to touch, kiss and defile you in the most delicious of ways. And correct me if I'm wrong, but you didn't seem to mind much when I was inside of you, pushing into you. You were so lost to your pleasure, that you didn't even care that I bit you and took the blood that is meant to be mine."

She made it to the back door and pulled, opening it with ease. I decided I'd let her run. The fun was in the chase anyway.

 _Run all you want, beautiful. I'll still find you. Your scent is marked._

Her footfalls were fast as she made her way down to the sidewalk from my house. I laughed as I watched her stand confused for a minute, before finally choosing to run left.

I stayed back for a few minutes, allowing her to believe that I'd never catch up to her. Closing my eyes, I sniffed the air and pinpointed her scent. My pace then picked up, my footfalls, unlike hers, were quiet.

 _Oh, my unsuspecting little victim._

Instantly, I knew where she was heading. I ran up another road and ahead of her, cutting her off. I stepped out in front of her, halting her completely.

"I ask you again, are you really sure you want to go home?" I tilted my head, imploring her to choose differently.

"Just let me be." She tried to sound strong and sure of herself, but I could hear the fear in her voice.

"I'm afraid I can't do that. I want you," I admitted, my hand coming up to her throat and pressing in on her pulse point.

"You never have to see me again. Just let me go." She was desperate, but failing.

"Nope. You see... you are failing to grasp the fact that you're mine now."

 _Not yours. Ours._

"I'll tell you what, why don't we walk back to your place, you pack a bag. We get to… hmm... thoroughly get to know each other."

She audibly gulped. I looked into her eyes, noticing that she looked like she was battling with herself. That the idea of going home with me again seemed enticing, even if she knew she shouldn't.

"I'll be good...well, as good as I can be."

"That's what I'm afraid of," she finally voiced.

"You didn't seem that afraid when I pushed into you for the first time."

 _Will you stop taunting her and just get her home!_

I begged the monster to shut up. Let me be, but apparently, he had other plans.

I held out my arm for her to grab hold of. We then began the slow walk to her house. With each footstep, she seemed to resolve some of her anger and fear. As we neared her door, I smelled something I hadn't noticed before.

It was sweet. Floral. And completely vampire.

My nostrils flared as I dragged the scent further into my lungs.

I knew the scent. I smelled it decades before.

Just as we reached the top of her front steps and before Bella could unlock the door, a figure stepped out. Short. Pale, long light brown hair.

"Esme?"

 _Leave it to you, Edward, to become obsessed with the human that has vampiric ties._

"Well, hello there, Edward. Long time, no see."

Her thoughts then infiltrated my mind.

 _Nice eyes there, under the contact lenses. Red isn't really becoming of you._

 **~.~**

 **Thoughts? Thank you for reading!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A day late, sorry about that. My brain and timing wasn't cooperating. Anyway, I'd say Edward is a bit cranky. And Esme, well...**

 **Thank you to Kyla713 for looking this over and not wanting to strangle me, along with Packy.**

 **I'll just let you get your next dose of IDGAFward.**

 **~.~**

 **Chapter 8-**

Esme was unraveling me and I didn't like it. Not one bit.

"Why are you even here?" I growled. My hand at the lower part of Bella's back was now fisting her shirt due to my newfound annoyance at Esme intruding.

"Bella, dear, why don't you go on in, and I'll talk to Edward. Alice said she had something she needed to talk to you about." Esme's voice sounded overly sweet. Fake.

"And how do you know Alice?" I asked, my teeth grinding into each other.

 _If you had stuck around, you'd know the answer to that._

"You don't need to infiltrate my head."

"Testy, aren't you? Well, Edward... She's Jasper's mate." Esme cocked an eyebrow and crossed her arms in front of her.

"She's human," I retorted in disgust.

"I don't see you complaining while you consort with a human, Edward." She then stepped into my space, instantly poking the sleeping monster inside me. "Or do you not care about the heart that beats inside that girl? Only care for the blood? Your eyes tell so much."

"Well, the bland taste of game got boring after a decade," I sneered at Esme, my eyes wandering over to where Bella was. She and Alice were fighting over something. Most likely me, since Alice obviously knew about vampires.

"So, drinking humans makes you that much better, Edward? Think about Carlisle," she replied, arms still crossed.

I looked down for a moment and tried to glean anything I could from her thoughts, but she unfortunately had me blocked. "Carlisle let me walk away. He didn't care. After all, he had a newborn to deal with that wasn't me. The last thing he needed was his so-called son at home."

"So, what? You couldn't share Carlisle? Hated that his attention wasn't solely on you? So you go out and murder?" Her voice was rising, and I suddenly wished I could somehow shut her up.

"What does it matter to you, Esme? Why care? What I'm doing isn't hurting you any. It's not like I'm stealing precious deer."

She glared and then turned her head. Alice was opening the door, peeking out. "Esme, can you take this back to Jasper? I have a feeling he's going to need it." Alice handed Esme the cloth that smelled faintly of Bella.

 _What the fucking hell?_

"Thank you, dear. I hope we will see you soon? And maybe your roommate as well?" _How do you like that, Edward. Me inviting your precious meal over?_

My fingers went up to the bridge of my nose, where I pinched in frustration. "Are you kidding me right now? Fucking shoot me."

"Language, Edward." Esme then sighed, tsking. "What would your mother think if she was still alive?"

 _You certainly hold nothing back there, do you, Esme?_

Esme walked down the front steps and turned around. "I'm sure this isn't goodbye. I know I'll see you around, Edward. And you know he won't stay away for long."

I watched as she walked away, instantly cursing the day she ever crossed paths with me. We never got off on the right foot. The first time Carlisle ever brought her home, I could tell she wanted me gone. It was in the way she looked at me; the way she'd squint and purse her lips, shake her head as she whined about not having alone time with Carlisle. I always thought it was bullshit, but Carlisle ate it right up.

I hated him for it. He condemned me to this life and then discarded me when something new and shiny came along. And now it seemed that he had made a habit out of collecting.

 _Guess I'll just have to keep Bella away._

I knocked on the girls' door and waited to be let in. Alice eyed me up and down and didn't at all look like she approved of me. Bella was still upstairs, rummaging through her drawers.

"I know you know, so just say what you want, Pixie." I rolled my eyes and steeled myself for whatever the tiny, irritating human had to say.

"First off, you're an asshole. Second, you hurt Bella, and I will somehow make your life a worse hell than it already is. Third...you change her, I will make sure Jasper rips you limb to limb." She huffed, then sat down on the nearby couch. "Also, expect Carlisle around tomorrow night, since it will be sunny."

"Wow, don't hold back or anything." I sounded bored, even to me. Like this little pesky human could even carry out any of her threats. "And how do you know I'll see him? I'm sure Esme has called him already, but he can't have planned it already."

"I just know. Just like you know Carlisle is going to ream your ass for partaking in human blood."

"I'll just wait with bated breath then."

Alice shook her head, clearly annoyed. "And as for what you're thinking...it wasn't me all those years ago with Jasper. That was Jasper at the mansion the day you left. But he had Maria...a wannabe mate of his."

 _Hmm, well, she's good for something. One thing answered._

"Can you read minds now?" I asked, my eyes moving over the stairs Bella was now coming down. "Does she know what you do?"

Alice snorted. "She's not stupid, I'll tell you that much. And that stunt you pulled...you biting her didn't help keep your not-so-secret, secret."

 _Well, fuck!_

It wasn't as if the secret would remain one anyway. Especially not with Esme inviting her in. Eventually, she'd question things.

 _Let it happen. Not like she'll stick around long enough to really even care._

"Hmm, well, I guess I'll just let the chips fall where they may," I said, walking over to the stairs to meet Bella. I held out my hand for her and pulled her to me, planting a long, slow kiss on her lips. I made sure to show tongue, just to make Alice feel at least somewhat uncomfortable in some way.

 _Oh, the things I plan to do to your friend._

"You ready?" I asked Bella as I began pulling her out toward the door.

Alice's mind reached inside, her voice was just as annoying there as it was out loud. _You think you're going to be able to let go of her, but it will be the biggest regret of your existence, ass._

"Charmed," I replied.

"To answer your question, yes, I'm ready. Though, I'd rather stay here than go back with you." Bella pulled her hand out of mine and began to angrily walk ahead.

"Love, I'll have you in a much happier mood soon." I teased and sped up to walk alongside her. "You and I both no you can't resist. You love the way I feel."

"Full of yourself again, I see."

"Maybe...just a little."

I wrapped my arm around her and kept pace with her, not letting her ahead. Once back at my place, I opened the door and locked it after she followed me in.

"I don't care where you put your bag. But I do care that your ass is planted in my bed in about five seconds." I grinned, making sure she could see all my teeth.

As predicted, her heart beat faster and a gush of arousal soon followed. "Bed, lamb." I motioned to my room with my hand. "Strip, if you don't mind."

I listened to clothes fall and closed my eyes, inhaling the scent now infiltrating my home.

 _Strawberries is my new favorite scent._

Taking a step toward my room, I faltered as my head was hit with a barrage of thoughts. Normally, I could drown them out, ignore them. With Bella I had silence, but with my Sire...I had no choice but to listen.

" _I know you're in there. I know she's in there. I can hear her heart. You can't avoid me another seventy years, Edward."_

Swiftly, I entered my room and found a delicious, naked Bella waiting for me on my bed. "Patience, love, it seems my father has fantastic timing. I won't be long."

Turning back around, I returned to the front door, my hand on the handle.

 _If I can avoid you for seventy, I can avoid you for at least a decade more._

I pulled open the door, stepped out into the cold air, and shut the door. "What do I owe the pleasure of this visit, _Father_?"

Carlisle sucked in an unnecessary breath. "You're so much better than this, Edward."

I chuckled. _If only you knew all the things I've truly done, you wouldn't say that._ "You say that as if you know me so well."

He went to put his hands on my shoulders, but thought better of it and put them back down to his sides. "I'd like to think I do."

"Your precious Jasper's Alice said you wouldn't be here 'til tomorrow. What changed?" I crossed my arms and leaned against my door.

"I knew you'd run. And if you were with her, you'd stay. I took advantage," he explained, shrugging.

 _Yet, you didn't care enough to truly look and find me for seventy years._

I sighed and pushed off the door. "We don't need to do this. Why don't you go home to Esme? I'm fine. You came, you saw, now go."

Carlisle shook his head, and instead of walking away, he walked past me and through my front door.

 **~.~**

 **Thoughts? How are you all liking Esme?**

 **Thank you for reading and reviewing!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry this chapter is a week late than I had planned, but hopefully angry IDGAFward makes up for it. Thank you for being patient. It has been a crazy couple of weeks for me with RL being beyond busy.**

 **For those of you reading Stricken, I just updated that as well.**

 **Thank you, as always, to the lovely Kyla713 and Packy for looking this over.**

 **Hope you guys enjoy.**

 **~.~**

 **Chapter 9-**

The urge to be that asshole that left Bella with Carlisle and run was strong, but I decided I'd be the nice asshole that would deal with this, then promptly make him leave. I walked back inside and sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration.

 _I have a very naked Bella waiting on me, but Carlisle—always one to ruin the fun._

I walked back to my room and found Bella naked and asleep in my bed. _Well, so much for fun times._

Taking my sweet time, I walked back towards the living room, hoping I could somehow keep my so-called father on edge as he waited. I found him pacing my living room, his hands behind his back, his head down to the floor, almost as if you could see years of mounting guilt weighing on his shoulders.

"We _really_ don't have to do this now. In fact, I'd prefer if we didn't. We don't really have anything to say." I threw myself down on my sofa, one leg on the back of it, the other on the floor as I tried to give off a vibe of indifference.

"We do, and we're going to. There is nothing you can do to get out of this," Carlisle told me, his glare leveling on me.

I sat up then, splayed my arms across the couch, and crossed my legs. "Well, then, get on with it."

Carlisle turned to face me, annoyance clear on his face. "Why are you like this? Why do you push everything away, act like you don't care about anything? This isn't the Edward I saved on the bed back in Chicago."

The rage was simmering just below, and I could feel the monster stirring in his cage inside me. "Why? Really, Carlisle? For being a doctor, for knowing me for over a century, you ask why?" My voice grew louder with each word. "I push everything away because no one wants me. My human parents sent me off with the nanny. My dad always working, my mom off with the women. Even when I was dying, my mom finally showed she cared, and then she cursed me to this half-existence!" I yelled, stood up and walked up to him. "I don't care about anything because why should I? When I care, I get burned. When I invest, I get hurt. When someone finally shows he cares for me, he finds the next best thing and tosses me aside, forgets that he has a lost little boy hidden inside this shell of a vampire."

I was huffing, and definitely not from the need for oxygen. "As for saving me, if you can call it that, you didn't have to. No one held a gun to your head." And then I dealt the blow that I knew would hurt him. "I wish daily that you never had."

He sucked in a gasp, his eyes flinched as if I had actually struck him. "You don't mean that."

I threw my head back and laughed. "I do. I mean it with every part of me. Once you made me what I am, you set out to find your missing half, and never once looked back at me. The day I left, did you chase after me? Did you stop me? No, I watched your house for a week before I left the city, and you never once looked for me. You are the one who doesn't care. I did, but I no longer care now."

Facing him, I countered his inquiry. "Why do _you_ care now? Why bother being here after all these years?"

He looked taken aback for a few minutes, not at all prepared that I'd even stand up to him like this. Back then, I wasn't the way I was now. I wasn't this...this monster. I was scared, shy, afraid of my own shadow. I followed Carlisle around like a lost puppy because I had no clue what to even do with myself. I was thrust into a life so unlike anything else, and just expected to just deal, because that was what Carlisle had done when he was created.

But I wasn't like him, nor would I ever be. I used to want to be, but no longer. I wouldn't be that being who would just cast someone aside; I at least ended their suffering, not allow them wallow in hurt.

Carlisle crumpled down into an empty chair, his hands running through his hair as he sighed, shoulders slumped. "I've always cared, and I figured you'd come back when you were ready."

I snorted. "Why would I go back if I knew I wasn't wanted?"

He shook his head, his eyes down to the floor. "You were always wanted. I don't know what gave you that idea… If I had known… If I had known you'd end up like this... destroying everything, turning into what you are..."

"Then you never would've changed me? Wasted your time on me? Do you regret it? Regret giving into my begging mother on my deathbed?" I asked, anger once again rising.

"No!" He stood up suddenly, his hands balled up in fists. "I don't regret it. I'm glad I saved you from a horrible death. There are so many things I do wish I could change," he finally admitted, though it lessened nothing inside of me.

"Yeah? What would you have changed? Bringing Esme home so soon? Letting her tell me that I belonged elsewhere? That I was old enough to go and be on my own? Or would you change letting me even stick around at all?"

"I understand why you're angry." He held up his hands in a surrendering gesture. "What I don't understand is why you've let yourself become this. After all we've talked about."

"It's easy, Carlisle." I shrugged my shoulders. "I became everything you're not. It's easier that way. I don't hurt, the monster in me numbs the pain you shackled me with."

I closed my eyes when I could hear footsteps coming down the hall. My head turned when I smelled Bella's luscious scent.

"Edward?" she called out, just before entering the door to the living room, and I noticed she had put on one of my robes.

"I'll be in with you in a minute, Bella. Just need to say goodbye to my father," I told her as I walked up to her. As gently as I could, which was so not like me at all, I brushed the hair away from her face and kissed her lips sweetly. She gasped, her hand came up to my shirt and clenched it tightly in her fist. She pulled away and looked into my eyes, which were still shielded by contacts, and luckily, she couldn't see through them like Esme or Carlisle could.

"Okay." She bit her lip, seeming uncertain as she moved her head to peer over my shoulder at Carlisle. And for a brief second, I could see her glare at him before she walked away and returned to my room.

I turned back to Carlisle, keeping distance between us this time. "I think you should go. The only reason you came tonight was try to find absolution and absolve guilt. Guilt you rightfully should live with. Now, if you don't mind, I need to tend to Bella."

He walked up to me, almost put his hand on my shoulder, but brought it back down. "I know I have no right to ask this, but your intentions, what are they of her?"

"You're correct, you have no right to ask. But if it makes you feel better, I won't hurt her, at least not tonight."

He gulped, and I instantly read his thoughts now that he'd let his guard down. "Go ahead and report me to the Volturi. I find I don't care. Maybe they'd finally end this existence for me."

He looked like he wanted to argue, but instead, he walked toward my door, and just before he opened it, he looked back at me one last time. "We're not done. Not by a long shot. You may have been able to turn the tables on me and quit our conversation, but I will be back."

I didn't acknowledge him, just stood there until he walked through the door. A pitter patter of a heartbeat let me know that a certain human had eavesdropped and heard everything, and I knew I had to fix it. The less she knew, the better.

"Enjoy the show, Lamb?" I asked her as I pulled her to me, the robe that she was covered in opened slightly, giving way to cleavage. I bent down and nipped at her collarbone in response to my view.

"Just what are you?" she squeaked out.

 _Well, shit._

 **~.~**

 **Well...I think it is safe to say Edward got some much needed things off his chest. Thoughts?**

 **Thank you for reading!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry I'm a week late on this. It was a really busy week with all three of my boys school activities. I am going to try to post once a week on this one. Though, if I get more time, twice a week. June is an incredibly crazy month for me, so writing time will be a bit slow. Thank you for being patient and sticking with me.**

 **Thank you to Kyla713 and Packy for being in my doc. And to Mo, for reading this and giving me the best OMG reactions ever.**

 **Anyway, I'll just leave you all to it. Enjoy.**

 **~.~**

 **Devil in me chp 10-**

 _It would be so easy to just grab the girl, bite her...drain her. Problem solved._

The monster in me was stirring as my anxiety rose to all new levels. I paced the hall I currently felt trapped in as Bella looked at me, arms crossed.

"Stop pacing and be honest with me for once," she demanded, trying to come off strong, but her heartbeat gave way to her fear.

"Are you scared of me? You should be. The things I could do to you, and no one would know." I stopped pacing and turned to face her. "You think you know what I am, but you have no idea."

I watched as she rubbed her hands up and down her arms as if she were trying to comfort herself. "Well, I know you're not human."

 _Do you really want to do this with this human? Just end her already!_

Venom filled my mouth as I set about pacing again. The idea of draining her, drinking her until she was bled dry was so very tempting, but another part of me, the more basic, boring, human part of me, wanted her in other ways. That part of me wanted to devour her body and not her blood.

 _You don't need a mate. You have me. We've co-existed just fine for seventy years. This girl needs to go!_

When I reached the end of the hall, I turned and faced the wall and hit my head against it in frustration. I wanted to will the monster inside of me to just let me be, leave me alone, let me sort things out with Bella.

 _Biting her won't be so hard. Your teeth would melt right through that precious, pale skin. Think of the taste! The sweetness that will pour down our parched throat._

I slammed my fist against the wall and roared a "FUCK!"

Bella's breaths changed and her heartbeat skipped a bit as I watched her jump at my reaction from the corner of my eye.

"What do you want me to be? What would make you feel better? Do you want to leave? Run?" I taunted, and the monster in me chuckled, loving the game.

"I haven't run from you yet. You don't scare me." She tried to sound confident, but failed. The tiny quiver in her voice that my ears picked up on gave her away.

"Your heartbeat tells me differently. Your breaths...while they give me more of your sweet scent, give you away. You smell of fear. Do you know what fear smells like?" I asked as I walked toward her, my hands balled up at my sides. "It smells sweet and deliciously dark." I was mere inches from her now. "It makes me want to consume you. Drink in every bit of your essence. Right now, just standing in front of you, the urge I have to see if you taste as well as your fear smells is so strong. You can't run, you can't hide. The minute I crossed paths with you, you unknowingly sold your soul."

Her eyes grew in size and the fear rolled off her even more potent than before, and it forced me to swallow back the venom that was pooling again. I could tell she was battling with her flight or fight response, so I crowded her space, making her step backwards until we made it to a wall.

"Do you still want to know what I am?" I asked, whispering as I ran my nose from her ear down to her collarbone.

She whimpered and that was my undoing. The monster deep inside was unleashed. That whimper held everything. The monster fed on fear, and she just loaded it up on a gold platter for him.

I pushed my body into hers, caging her in. "Any guesses? I'm sure your dear friend has probably clued you in, seeing as she's dating one of us." My tongue peaked out to taste her neck, her heartbeat was just under her main artery. I could feel the vibrations as I licked her from collarbone to jaw.

"N-n-no," she uttered, and my eyes wandered her body slowly. Goosebumps had overtaken her pale skin.

"Oh, come on now. What happened to my girl who started this? Sure seemed like you knew," I told her, running my fingers down her arms, relishing in the fact that both my words and actions caused goose flesh. The effect I had on this human fueled me even more.

 _Close your eyes and breathe in. Smell how sweet she is, how ripe. It's calling us. Give in._

I gulped loudly and shook my head, and Bella took that opportunity to try and jerk away from me, but I just pressed her further into the wall.

"No running, remember?" I chided, my hands now on her waist as I squeezed. "I'll be nice...I'll tell you a secret..." I licked the other side of her neck, leaving an open mouth kiss right where her neck met her collarbone. It was sinfully delicious.

I closed my eyes and ran my nose up to her ear, dragging in a deep breath before I uttered one word.

"Vampire."

Her heart stuttered as her hands came up to my chest as she tried to push me away.

 _We're done playing games._

I opened my mouth, and just before she let out a scream, I bit. I bit hard and fast. Unlike the time I bit her before, I wasn't gentle. I pulled her blood as fast as I could, moaning at the taste, the warmth sliding down my throat.

Bella began to feel limp, so I dropped her down to the ground.

Then all chaos unleashed.

Five vampires rushed in. A huge, burly one scooped up my girl and ran. A blonde followed. I was too far gone to stop them as I gulped down the last drop of her.

 _Heaven._

I was held down then by three pairs of arms, before metal encased my limbs and a blindfold was placed over my eyes, not that it would do much to hide my sight.

"I'm so sorry, son."

I ignored my wannabe father and inhaled the last of Bella's scent.

 _No regrets._

The monster in me was sated, for now. The human part of me was broken.

 **~.~**

 **Thoughts? How do you think Edward will handle things now?**

 **Thank you for reading!**


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm trying to keep up with a schedule with this one, but June is a crazy busy month. One birthday down, three more to go. All three kids and hubs this month. So, I won't make promises, but I'll try and post as much as I can.**

 **Thanks, as always, to Kyla713 for looking this over, and to Packy as well. I'm forever grateful they get into my docs and put up with me.**

 **Enjoy.**

 **~.~**

 **DIM 11-**

As they carried me to wherever they were taking me, I felt a new sensation. One I had only felt once before, and it startled me.

Fear.

The fear wasn't for me, but for Bella. I knew the second the monster ebbed away, I'd fucked up. And huge.

Underneath that fear was guilt. It was eating away at me with every second that passed. I didn't understand it; I didn't really want to. Normally, I'd push it away, but something deep down told me it wasn't going to go away this time. It was staying, and I'd have to deal with it.

I tried to use my sense of smell to at least get a hint of where we were going, but all I came up with was Carlisle and Esme. Not even a wisp of Bella's scent.

My hands and legs were bound, not that they would stop me. I could've put up a fight, but why even bother? Especially since they blindfolded me and I had no way of getting that off. Carlisle carried my upper half, Esme my feet. I made myself feel as if I were dead weight, anything to make it harder on them, to punish them in some way.

"So, your reaction was to kidnap me, put me out of my misery and kill me away from the others? That it?" I questioned, my hands clenching in their bound restraints.

I heard Esme chuckle, and instantly wanted to snap at her. I doubt she'd ever be my favorite person. Carlisle inhaled long and deep, but said nothing. I felt they at least owed me some answers. I knew I'd never get any. Not while Esme was around.

I didn't know how long they walked, but eventually I gave up caring. Whatever they were going to do, it was out of my hands anyway.

 _I'd apologize for winning, but the taste of her was heaven._

I clenched my eyes closed as the monster inside floated to the surface. I knew that someday he'd win, that I'd never be able to put him away forever. He'd guided me for over seventy years— why let him stop now? Especially now, when my life was now no longer my own again.

 _Her blood was as tasty as the finest wine, dear boy. Such beautiful crimson._

In my head, I begged the monster to just shut up and let me be. He'd gotten his way, and the longer I stay shackled and blindfolded, the more he'd taunt me.

He always did come out when the darkness fell.

Sometime later, I felt myself being placed down on the ground. My hands dug into the dirt as I inhaled the smell of grass, weeds, and obviously, dirt. I listened to their feet shuffle around, and still they made no effort to talk.

"I think, at least, you owe me an explanation of where I am and where Bella is," I said, feeling rage bubble up.

I smelled Esme as she crouched down closer and whipped off my blindfold. "We don't owe you anything. Not after what you did to that girl. She didn't deserve that, therefore you don't deserve her. You used her." She stood up again and I watched as she handed Carlisle the blindfold. "As for where you are..." Her eyes then canvased our surroundings. As I looked, I barely made out a building in the trees to the left of me. "You're at an abandoned asylum. It's the only way we can keep you locked up and away, so you don't hurt another."

I thrashed around at her admission, hoping to cause my bonds to break.

"Titanium. Good luck. At most, you might bend it," Carlisle finally piped in with information. How nice.

"Look. I don't care what you plan to do to me. Do whatever you want. I honestly don't care anymore. Just tell me where Bella is. Did my venom cross into her?"

The look Esme gave me should've sent fear through me, but it didn't. Instead, I slowly sat up, still bound, and leveled my eyes at my supposed father. "Can you just tell me that before you lock me up in here?" I begged, which I _never_ did.

Must be that lovely guilt I keep feeling. Damn it all to hell.

He brought his hands up to his waist, his head bowed as he refused to look over toward Esme. "She is with the others back at our place. I didn't smell a huge amount of venom, but it is possible some entered her bloodstream with how much you took from her. I'm expecting Emmett to call soon to let me know if the change is underway or not." He crouched down then to help me stand up, which was hard with my legs being bound so tightly together. "I told Jasper to let her know she has a choice if the change is underway. If she wants to go through with it, or to have her life ended."

I sucked in a breath, and if I had a heart, it would've stopped. "You can't let her choose that. She needs to live. _I_ need her to live."

Esme stood in front of me. "Maybe you should've just given into the mating bond and actually thought of Bella before you let whatever is inside of you win." She crossed her arms and nodded her head at Carlisle. They then picked me up, and carried me into the musty-smelling, abandoned asylum. The main door clanged shut loudly behind us. I could almost feel the despair that lined the walls as they walked me further in. They turned left and then right down a long hall. They finally reached a room. Carlisle placed me on the bed, undid my bounds quickly, and then re-locked them to the bed.

Just before he walked away, he murmured that he was sorry.

I stared up at the ceiling and began to count the tiles as I listened to the lock bolt shut, and chains being placed on the door. More titanium, I guessed.

Sometime around dawn, as my room began to fill with light, I smelled Carlisle. He disengaged all the locks and opened the door.

"Esme with you?" I turned my head and asked.

"No, son." Even now, I hated that that word came from his mouth.

He walked over to the bed, pulled up a rickety, old chair, and sat down. "I wanted to let you know that the change is underway. She chose to live. Just before she gave way to unconsciousness due to the burning, her last words were asking of you. We told her you were okay."

I nodded my head in thanks.

"I am not sure what to do now. Where to go. Where we even stand. I never wanted this for you," he admitted, as his eyes looked as if they carried a century of sadness.

"Yeah, well... I never wanted this life."

"I guess I played God, and I shouldn't have. I will never bring myself to regret changing you, but I do regret everything after."

I could hear the sorrow in his admission, and I tried to bring myself to care. Maybe someday, I'd get there.

Suddenly, I could smell Esme, and heard heels clacking down the hall. Carlisle's head perked up and he hurriedly stood, but then bent over and whispered in my ear. "At nightfall, I will be back. I will bring you animal blood. I'll try and get a cougar. I have to go. I am so very sorry."

He walked out of the room before Esme could meet him and locked the doors. I listened until I couldn't hear them anymore. Not even their thoughts. I'd realized then that not once during the whole time they'd had me, did I hear them. Someone must've shown them how to shield themselves.

I spent the day watching light dance around the room until darkness flooded it. I idly wondered with Bella giving into the change, if I could finally rid the monster in me, and start over with her.

I wanted it.

 **~.~**

 **So, how are we? Thoughts?**

 **Thank you for reading!**


	12. Chapter 12

**I meant to upload this last night, but then I got hit with a massive migraine. On the plus, I also wrote the epilogue to Long Distance yesterday and handed that off to LyricalKris, so that should be up soon as well.**

 **Thank you as always to Kyla713 for always looking my stuff over, as well as Packy. I think this is the one chapter I've seen her flail the most.**

 **Hope you enjoy.**

 **~.~**

 **DIM 12-**

The monster in me stayed oddly quiet as days and nights passed. I hadn't moved in three days. I felt it was my penance for what I did to Bella. I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling, my thoughts only on her and my guilt.

I never truly intended for her to be damned to this life. I never actually thought that I would actually drain her, even if the monster in me demanded it.

Carlisle never came back, neither did Esme. I wasn't sure how to feel or what to think of them anymore. The more I thought of them, the more I wanted to be far away from them. But just like now, eventually they'd find me.

As dark overtook the small room I was in once again, I let my mind wander. I selfishly wondered what kind of vampire Bella would make. Would she succumb to their choice of diet? Pair off with another male? Follow Esme and Carlisle everywhere? I pinched my eyes close and shook my head. I hated the feelings of loneliness and jealousy that were swirling around inside me. I tried to ignore them, but they remained.

Hours later, after the moon was high in the sky, I suddenly picked up on outside thoughts penetrating my head.

 _Don't be alarmed. It's just me._

Carlisle, I guessed, finally felt guilty enough to come and see me.

 _I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. Some complications arose._

I thrashed at the chains holding me to the bed. I knew instantly, just based on a thought in Carlisle's mind of Bella laying in a bed, pale and unmoving, that the complication had to do with her.

Finally, the door to my room opened and in came Carlisle. He walked over to my bed and placed his hand on my chest to hold me down.

"Quit thrashing. You're going to hurt yourself. The cuffs have already cut through your skin and you're rehealing. Don't make me regret taking them off," he said gently, just before he began to undo my hand restraints, while leaving the leg ones on.

"Bella," was all I said as I looked at him, waiting for him to tell me anything. His mind was oddly quiet again.

"She's okay. Only, you didn't inject as much venom as we thought. Her heart failed halfway through. We had to do CPR as I injected some of my own venom into her via syringe."

I looked down to the floor, hating the thought that my venom swirled with his. I felt cheated out of her only having my venom. I only wanted it to be mine. I couldn't lay my finger on why I felt like it _had_ to be only mine.

"She awake?" I asked as I flexed my hands and wrists, and stretched my arms and back.

"She woke about two hours ago. She's refusing to eat." He turned away from me, his shoulders fell as he sighed. "She won't listen to us, and I suspect, she's gifted in more ways than one."

My head tilted at that news. Could I have passed mine onto her? "What makes you think that?"

Carlisle shrugged his shoulders and then sat down in the chair across from me. "I think she's a shield, both inward and outward. She's barricaded herself in the room we put her in. She is somehow able to forcefully keep the door closed. We know it isn't locked. On top of that, the way she looked at Esme when she first woke makes me think she can read minds."

I let out a sarcastic sounding laugh at that. "Funny how it is Esme that Bella picks up on instantly."

Carlisle turned his face away from me and nodded. "I'm starting to wonder some things about Esme myself."

 _Keep this between me and you. Tell no one. I trust no one in that house except for maybe the human, Alice, possibly Jasper. And obviously you. I think Esme has never been true to me since I first met her. I think I'm starting to see what others do._

"Only took you almost a century," I replied and leaned against the wall. "Don't suppose I'll get to see Bella?"

Carlisle stood, bent down, and undid the leg restraints. "I'm going against everything in me to do this, but I also think that Bella seeing is you is something that needs to happen."

I followed him out of my room and down the hall. Once outside, he motioned me toward the passenger door of his car. I got in, and soon, we drove off. It took a while, but we made our way through the city and then further out of town. He turned down a dirt, gravely road that seemed like as if it went on forever, when we came up to a house that appeared as if it belonged in a southern Gothic. Ivy climbed up the outer walls, covering it completely in some places.

I got out and was instantly assaulted with the scent of _her._ She still smelled the same, only now it was a tad sweeter. I dragged in the air deeply, filled my lungs to capacity and closed my eyes.

"I'm starting to think that maybe now you believe she's your mate," Carlisle voiced as he walked around the car toward me.

But was she though? I couldn't help but wonder, was it all by chance? Fate? Or did I just like her because the monster in me claimed her?

 _No, this is all you. I just couldn't help myself with the taste of her._

Of course, now the devil in me decides to show up.

"I don't know, honestly," I answered back as we began to walk up the steps and through the front door.

Before he closed the door, Carlisle turned to me. "I think you do, you're just scared. And knowing you, you think you don't deserve it or her."

 _I think your father just hit the nail on the head there._

I shook my head and clenched my eyes closed, trying to make _him_ leave me alone.

Esme then came down the stairs, instantly glaring at me. "What is he doing here?"

Carlisle motioned for me to go forward. "She's on the third floor, two doors down the right hall," he told me before turning back to Esme. "He's here to fix what he broke."

As I walked up the stairs, I could sense him behind me, but I kept walking. The second I made it to the third floor, I turned right and came to the second door, just as Carlisle said.

Esme came running up and stood in front of me, her back to the door. "You've done enough. Leave her alone." She glared as she tried to push me away, but I stayed glued to my spot.

 _I can smell you, Edward._ Bella's voice penetrated my head.

 _How did you know I can read thoughts? And obviously, if you can hear this, you must have my power as well._

 _Doesn't take much to catch on, does it, genius?_ she replied.

 _I am so sorry. I never…_

 _What happened, happened, Edward._

"Am I right in the thought that she can read minds, as you can?" Carlisle then piped up.

I nodded, not voicing my answer.

Esme then began to push at me harder before Carlisle grabbed her arm and began to pull her down the hall, even as she put up a fight.

 _May I come in? I won't hurt you. You could probably do more damage to me now, than I can to you,_ I told her, hoping she'd believe me.

I felt a sense of peace as the door opened just a crack. I then pushed my way inside, and once I did, she went right back to holding the door closed with her shield.

She sat on the bed, her eyes cautiously watching me. I could tell she was hungry, her eyes glowing red gave that away.

I went to take a step toward her, but she hopped up and ran to me, throwing her arms around me as tight as she could and breathed me in. I wasn't about to make her let go. I copied her movements and wrapped my arms around her.

"The more power you use to keep yourself in here, the hungrier you'll get," I told her, hating the idea that she was starving herself.

 _I don't want to eat with them around,_ she told me as she squeezed me tighter.

I walked us toward her bed and sat us down. It grew quiet, since neither of us knew what to say. There was literally a barrage of thoughts streaming through Bella's head, and I noticed she was growing mentally exhausted trying to sort her feelings and thoughts while holding her shield up to keep others out of the room.

 _I'm scared._ _More scared than I ever have been, even when I was with you._

I bowed my head at her admission, instantly wishing I could apologize, but before I could, Esme came crashing through the door. Bella's shield must have given out.

I soon found myself in between a frightened, mad newborn and a vampire who felt she needed to be rid of me.

The monster chose that moment to chime in.

 _Such a pickle we've gotten ourselves into._

 **~.~**

 **How are we? Thoughts? Thank you for reading.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Now that July isn't as busy as June, I hope to have this fic finished by August. That is my plan.**

 **Thank you to Kyla713 and Packy for always being in my docs and looking things over. As well as to Mo for always helping me to get rid of my self-doubt.**

 **Anyway, I think I'll let you guys just get on with reading. Just see me at the bottom.**

 **~.~**

 **DIM13-**

My eyes bolted back and forth between the newborn vampire Bella and Esme. I held both arms out, one facing Bella, the other toward Esme as the room began to feel smaller and more suffocating. Soon, the rest of the family rushed in. Carlisle's eyes met mine, and I could see the worry in them. Worry for his mate, Bella, and strangely...me.

The blonde vampire that I had seen with Bella's roommate, Alice, was intently focusing on the room. I could feel calming vibes pushing throughout the room, but were making no impact due to Bella's hard-to-penetrate shield.

The larger, bulkier one just stood there, crossing his arms. From his thoughts, I could tell he'd rather be anywhere but there, somewhere off with the blonde beauty next to him. Her thoughts were along the same lines. Though, interestingly enough, she blamed Esme for the spot they were in now.

 _My, my, my. When secrets fester._

Carlisle took a step forward, facing Bella. He held his hands up, showing he meant no harm. "Bella, please calm down. Lower whatever shield you are using, and I promise we will explain anything you want, and will get you fed."

Bella shook her head, her now red eyes flashing with rage. "I don't want to calm down. I don't feel safe here. You all took away the one thing that made me feel safe. I had to go through this alone, when all my body and thoughts wanted was _him_ as you let me burn."

The monster in me cheered at her admission. The very heart of me wanted to rush to her side and claim her as my mate. A total turnaround from everything I had been fighting since the very first moment I ever laid eyes on her when she was a precious, beautiful, breakable human.

Carlisle, ever the calm one, tried once more to get Bella to go and hunt. "I don't care if you leave with me or Edward, but the sooner you do, the better. And again, I promise that we will answer any questions you might have."

I pleaded with her in my mind to just do what Carlisle said, because I had a feeling that the whole situation was going to turn volatile, more so than it already was. Esme's mind was a hurricane of pissed off thoughts, all hurled at me. I gave up trying to pick them apart.

Bella looked at me long and hard. _If we leave, can we run? Can we hide? You will keep me safe?_

I nodded my head, not wanting to give anything away. _I promise with all that I am, I will keep you safe. I go wherever you go._

Carlisle knew we were talking to each other, but he never let it slip to Esme. Finally, Bella took a nervous step forward, her shield slowly dropping as her eyes canvassed everyone in the room.

"Are you seriously just going to let her walk out of here? Let him take her? After what he did to her?" Esme screeched as she stared at Bella.

Carlisle sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. His fuse was growing shorter. "Yes. I am. I trust him. I trust her."

I noticed how he didn't say he trusted Esme or anyone else in the room. And now, all my thoughts, all my curiosities over the last seventy odd years, came hurtling back. Is Esme who she really lead us to believe she was? _Did she plan for all of this? Is Carlisle truly Esme's mate? Did she purposely insert herself to bring down Carlisle?_

Bella stood beside me, leaning her now hard, cold body against mine, seeking refuge.

Esme took a few steps backward and was now blocking the door, her arms crossed. "Well, I can't let you do that."

That was when I lost it. Rage boiled up inside me, and the monster came face to face with Esme. I rushed forward and slammed into a stunned Esme. I pushed her forward, clear across the hall, where the drywall was now cracked due to the force of her body.

I was seething, my hands now up at her throat. "Why are you the one who thinks you can make choices for everyone? Every move I made back before I left, you seemed to object to. And now that there is a new vampire, you seem to think you can leash her, too. What is it you have against me? Why have you never liked me?" I asked, pushing her further into the drywall.

"I owe you no answers, Edward. And you won't get into my mind either," she replied, defiance clearly in her eyes.

"You owe me that and so much more. I wouldn't be the vampire I am today if it wasn't for you causing me to flee. There was a time I loved Carlisle, and he was the only family, father and friend I knew in this life and you had to shatter that. So yeah, I think you owe me," I spat out at her.

I couldn't bring myself to pull away from her, not after the rage had taken over. Suddenly, the urge to end her existence was strong in me. I wanted her gone for all the hurt she'd caused me.

 _Why is there a human heartbeat?_ The monster in me snarled, and I turned my head down toward the hall.

Bella suddenly picked up on it and made a mad dash through the hall, leaving all of us behind, but not for long. Soon, she had three vampires on her tail, when we heard Alice call out to Bella that she wouldn't hurt her.

Bella abruptly stopped in the foyer after going downstairs, her hands at her throat. I slowly walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her.

"Let's go, love. Shield up. You'll get your fill of blood soon. I promise. Focus on me."

I slowly began to walk Bella to the front door, when Alice made a peculiar statement.

"It all unravels in time, Esme. The lies...The secrets..."

Suddenly, Esme's mind was completely clear. There wasn't a chaotic mess of nonsensical ramblings that I had to dig through to get through the heart of it all.

My grip on Bella tightened as I shoved her out the door gently and turned my head toward Carlisle, my eyes wide.

If only he could see what Esme had just shown me in my head. If he had, he'd have crumpled to the ground due to his mate breaking their covenant.

Esme snickered as more and more flashes came at me. Her voice once again in my head. So calm, so sinister.

 _You were always the monster, Edward. I just had to unleash you. And unleash you, I did._

Bella was growing impatient by me, her hands gripping me, tugging me further out the door. Inside, I was a mess and had a million questions buzzing around inside, but I needed to focus on getting Bella fed and away from here.

I had just taken a few more steps when Esme assaulted me with one last thought.

With one important word.

 _Volturi._

 **~.~**

 **If you'll remember, I never really said Carlisle ever created Esme... ;)**

 **All I ask is that you all please trust me. All the answers will be revealed. There is a reason behind everything. You'll see.**

 **Thank you for reading and reviewing. I look forward to your thoughts.**


	14. Chapter 14

**I am so sorry that I never finished this in July like I promised. I had every intention, and then my mom got bad news from the doctors, which then led to biopsy and more bad news. I honestly haven't been in the right head space to write at all. I've been stressing and worrying. Three, maybe four chapters and epilogue left. Thank you for your patience.**

 **Thank you to Kyla713 for looking this over., along with Packy, Mo and a few others. I truly appreciated it. I was more nervous than usual over this chapter.**

 **Anyway, I'm shutting up now. I hope you guys like this chapter.**

 **~.~**

Thoughts of the Volturi whipped through my mind as I chased after the most beautiful newborn vampire I had ever seen. Branches whizzed by as I weaved through the forest, trying to catch up to her. She was confident in her movements—not a single stumble or fall. Her legs were long and swift as she jumped over fallen logs, her long hair flew with the wind.

Abruptly, she stopped and stood stock still. I could hear the same thing she did. Two heartbeats and the smell of wildcat permeated the air. Her excited, wind-flushed face turned toward me.

"Go. I'll be right behind you," I implored, a small smile creeping up my face. Her excitement was infectious.

She didn't hesitate and ran off in the direction of the two cats. I gave her a bit of a head start, not at all wanting to startle her or put her off her first feed. She deserved to indulge.

 _Since when did I stop being so selfish?_

I heard the snarls of the cats being caught off guard just seconds before I caught up with her. Bella had one in a headlock, her teeth bared, while the other cat circled around them, contemplating on just when to pounce. Its ears were reared back, teeth bared.

Bella looked up at me, then her eyes went to the cat circling them. In my head, her voice penetrated. _It's yours, if you want it._

I shook my head no. _Want you to have your fill first._

The second her mouth clamped down on the cat's neck, all bets were off. She moaned low and guttural, the sound reverberating through me. Never had such a sound caused a reaction in me like that before. It was instantaneous. My cock hardened, my mouth grew dry as I drew her scent in as deep as my lungs could allow. My head snapped to where the circling cougar was and I leaped, pouncing on the shocked animal.

It had been so long since I had taken my fill of mountain lion. The blood was richer in taste, a darker crimson in color. The second my mouth latched and my teeth cut through the animal's skin and the blood flooded my mouth, I forgot all about how heady and warm human blood felt moving down my throat. I couldn't place it, but I contemplated the fact that sharing a meal with my mate was what made tasting the animal so much better.

I took one last gulp of the blood that was coursing through the cougar, and dropped the carcass to the ground, while Bella did the same. The look she gave me when she went to wipe her blood-stained lips and chin was absolutely, positively feral.

It was a look of claiming.

Her eyes were dark and her breaths coming quicker and shorter. I could tell she was battling with herself—on whether she should act on her urge.

I took a step forward to her, letting her know I was all hers. I watched as her chest rose and fell as she balled up her fists in frustration.

"If you want me, take me. I've been yours since the first time I smelled you." I told her, my voice scratch in raw.

It didn't take her long to act. Quickly, she pounced, knocking me to the ground.

Her kisses were brutal, but they stoked the fire in me.

"All yours. Take what you need." I settled back on the cold ground, my arms up in surrender.

Clothes were shredded, hers and mine. I couldn't even tell you who did it all, me or Bella. All I knew was her skin against mine was heaven. I never thought feeling your true mate's skin, the same temperature as your own, would transport you to another place. But for me...it did. And all too soon, it was more than I could handle. I pulled her down, nipping at her lips as I brought her in to kiss me. Her hands roamed and clawed in utter need.

"I shouldn't want this. But I want this. I want you. I need to taste you, feel you, use you." Her voice came out in a needy whisper as she finally allowed me into her. My breath hitched the instant I could feel myself inside—tight, velvet warmth.

Moans and soft pants encased the forest around us as she worked herself over me, trying to find her release. I didn't care if I got mine; I just wanted to see her let go and shatter above me.

And shatter she did. Her face crumpled in release as she let out a low moan as she ground herself down on me harder.

The tide of control switched then. I placed my hands on her hips, holding her in place as knifed up and pushed her back to the forest floor. My lips found hers as I pushed in deep, and then picked up my pace, finding my ending to our new beginning. It didn't take long, and the second I let go, she came again, latching her now sharp teeth onto my collar, marking me.

I didn't want to move from her. I'd have rather laid there forever with me inside her, not wanting to break our connection to return to the entirely fucked up mess that was our lives at the moment.

Esme and Volturi. I wished it could wait.

As I pulled away from Bella and sat up, I noticed how the monster never made an appearance. Maybe, I hoped, I was finally rid of him.

I felt Bella crawl up behind me, her naked body pressing against my back. She kissed my neck before wrapping her arms around me.

"Will it always be like that? Will I always feel like I need you, that I can't get enough of you?"

I wondered the same thing. "I don't know, but I hope so. Because I will always want you just as much." I sighed and bowed my head. "We should head back, but I don't want to. I don't want to share you, nor do I want to deal with Esme."

Bella stood up, and I soon followed her. I wasn't sure how we'd handle walking back to my place in the city and getting clothes since ours were scraps and we were naked.

My phone pinged a few seconds. It was a text from Carlisle.

 **I was told by a certain human to leave clothes for you and Bella at the edge of the forest behind my house. Hurry back.**

I showed the text to Bella and then shot off in a run with Bella following close behind. I wasn't sure what to think of Carlisle telling us to hurry back, but I didn't think it was anything good.

We quickly found our clothes and got dressed. I grabbed Bella and pulled her into my arms, kissing her long and slow, savoring the taste of her and cougar.

A throat cleared, breaking us up.

Carlisle stood there, his eyes held a storm of emotions. Hurt. Betrayal. Rage. He stood there, his mind running a million words a minute, which only came out a scrambled mess.

With his head bowed, he uttered our undoing. "She's been connected to Aro all along."

 **~.~**

 **So, how are we all?**

 **Thank you for reading.**


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